2023 & Me

What a year 2023 had been! An absolute journey of emotions, Not Bucket List Journeys and memories.

Every year I like to look back and reflect on the year I have had. Because so much happens, and it is good to refresh my memory on everything I have managed to achieve. Looking back at the memories I have made is an important step with my mental health. To remember how far I have come, through highs and lows – But also to remember the positives and steps I’ve taken in working on myself.

I started off this year with waking up New Years day and heading into the New Forest to watch the first sunrise of the year. It was an absolutely bitter day, but watching as the sun rose over the hills was something special. It makes me miss the days I was able to ride on my motorbike and go where I could. But getting to start my year off watching the first sunrise set me into motion for the year.

Next was something that was a bit of a surprise. Me and Harvey wanted to keep practicing our filmmaking skills whilst planning some future projects I have been sitting on. So we entered a competition hosted by the HyperFokal challenge – a film contest where you have to film, edit and release a short film within 28 days. What I never expected, what the outcome of taking on this project. Things had been thrown up in the air as I had health complications and we weren’t sure that we would be able to complete the challenge. Somehow we all came together and made it happen, creating our short film ‘Bucket’. Was it an amazing film? Hell no, it was a cheap made up on the spot. But that’s what I think makes it so special and has lead to its success. Almost a year later and Bucket has 3 selections, 1 quater-finalist, 1 finalist, and 2 award winners. Looking at Bucket now, I may still not understand why it’s done so well, but it certainly reminds me that anything is possible.

For those that have been following me for years, I have streamed on on Twitch for 7 years as of 17th of January. Over the years I have got to interact with so many incredible communities and made so many friendships who created crazy memories. Does my community bully – I mean tease me? Of course they do. I wouldn’t have it any other way though. But in 2023 they did something incredibly special. Working together they raised the funds through Throne to help me get an Nintendo Switch. It may have restarted my addiction to Stardew Valley…

When living alone, it gets lonely and with mental health that can be tough. It could be days to weeks to months of not seeing people outside of work and sometimes it felt too empty. I had just started my new job and moved flats to lower ground where I would then be allowed a cat. Something that I have dreamed of for years! Having a little furry friend in the flat with me to give cuddles, play and chatter with. After making sure I was ready to adopt a life time furry friend, I had a look and went out to a breeder who recently shared they had kittens available a week later. When I racked up, they opened the bathroom door and all but one kitten stayed inside. The one kitten? He launched himself at me and wrapped around my ankle before playing with my laces. I knew instantly my heart was stolen and I had been claimed. After a good cuddle and confirmation, a week later I returned and adopted Buckeroo, my beautiful little tuxedo cat. I won’t spill too much as there is a video to come, but I have certainly found my little partner for life.

In all the years of watching Eurovision, I never expected it to come to the United Kingdom. Firstly a huge congratulations to Ukraine for winning the contest! And a huge well done to Sam Ryder for doing the UK proud. But when it was announced that the UK was hosting the contest, I had to get tickets. Me and my best friend tried so hard to get tickets. As expected they sold out almost instantly and the pair of us was gutted. But then by some miracle tickets came up for the opening ceremony and I thought why not? Tasha lived close by and had early access because of it and we could then still get to be a part of the Eurovision experience. When we rocked up, I had no clue what to expect except some music. Little did I know we would rock up the the one and only turqouise carpet and get to meet the acts themselves! It was an incredible experience from the get go. Next time I need to get tickets to the main show!

In May, I met this incredible content creator called Jessica within the Lost Creator Academy, she made this fantastic group on messenger with like minded creators to chat to and bounce ideas. And what a fantastic group it is. Over the past 8 months I have got to interact with an outstanding group of individuals who have really helped push me, bounce ideas and even play devils advocate. Trust me when I say these guys are incredible. To hear and see their journeys really is inspiring. We even have started plans to meet up this year in Greece. I absolutely can’t wait to see these aspiring individuals in person.

June came around along with VidCon2023. Something I have wanted to experience for years. Though I didn’t get to experience it in a normal way, I got to be involved in such a heart warming opportunity. YouTube Creators included me in their collage on their #CreateYourDream wall in Anaheim. As someone who has been on YouTube since 20th February 2007, to be included in such an event meant the world. I wish I could have experienced it in person, but I will take any opportunity given to me!

Every once in a while I treat myself to a scratch card at the beginning of the month. As July came around, I decided to complete a goal I have watched about and dreamt about for years. To scratch one of every scratch card I could buy that day. I had always laughed when watching videos as those participating would complain how long it would take. Little did I know, it took me a whopping two hours. But worth it. I don’t support people gambling as it can become addicting, but I always wanted to give it a try just once and now I can say I have done it. I may treat myself to a scratch card still every once in a while. But it was a fun experience and satisfying scratching each of the cards.

I had my first experience being recognised in public in July. Myself and Harvey were filming content for TikTok and taking photographs when we were approached by two girls who had recognised some of my TikTok Content. The whole experience was mind blowing and I honestly couldn’t believe it. All I want in life is to be able to travel, make memories and make a difference in peoples lives. I want to raise mental health awareness and to have people say how much they love my content, it’s priceless and makes every moment worth it.

Days later I was excited and ready to go to my first Pride event! I’ve lived in Bournemouth for many years and never had chance to attend. This year was a first and I was so excited, to meet an individual in person and to go see how members of the LGBTQ+ gather and celebrate. Even with the rain pouring down, we had a laugh watching the acts on stage, going on a few fairground rides and even checking out the penis shaped waffles. For the few hours I got to experience the event, I can say I absolutely loved it and look forwards to future ones whether it be in my hometown or whether I explore further away.

Later as I rounded my 30th Birthday, I went on a day trip with my mum. Heading to Swanage and experiencing the Sandbanks ferry for the first time. We enjoyed chips on the bank, and explored the plethora of wonderful shops the small town hosts. I felt in heaven on a beautiful sunny day. Whilst we explored the town, we looked at the railway that hosts a beautiful trip on a steam train. At the time it wasn’t something we could do, but I did notice a poster showing that they were hosting the Polar Express this year and that lead to me planning to go.

Days later I was streaming with Dan as we were messing around, showing Buck to the viewers when we hit 200 subscribers on YouTube! Something I am immensely grateful for. Honestly it rounded up the last few days of being 29 perfectly. On my 30th birthday I received an email with a ticket and a text to say that everybody at work had chipped in to get me a ticket for the Polar Express. I may have had a few happy tears followed by a wave of excitement of what’s to come.

In August I got myself a little handheld Kodak Insta camera which has been absolutely amazing to own. I’ve snapped moments since then with the stunning camera that allowed me to save memories in a unique way only insta cameras can capture. And trust me, a few are entertaining. But it also inspired me to go out taking photos. Something that lead to another exciting opportunity. A competition with RockReefUK and Waveslider – To photograph the Bournemouth Airshow 2023 in a unique way.

Throughout August people voted until the very end and in a post shared, I was tagged to be the winner of the competition. Something that I was outstanded by in the form of support from those around me. As the days came closer and closer to the airshow, I got to enjoy the excitement of imagining the types of photographs I would take. Up until the very day. The day that meant the world to me in 2023. To photograph the Airshow the from Bournemouth Zipline, feeling the sound vibrate through me as aircraft passed by at such a close distance. To watch as the Typhoon flew through the sunset skies for one of the last times. That one weekend meant the world to me. Memories I hope never to forget, sealed in the photographs and videos that I had taken.

Twitch has allowed me to befriend many people over the 7 years of being a member on the platform. Many who I am beyond grateful to call my friends. Which lead to another crazy and intense weekend in September. A weekend where I hopped on a train to Baisingstoke before being collected by this legend of a human being called Charlie. Was I nervous? Hell yeah I was. I was meeting up with a group of people I had known for years for the first time. But as I got into Charlie’s car and epic music like Alan Walker started playing, our four hour journey to Sheffield became a blast. Singing and laughing along the way until we reached out goal and met up with an incredible squad. A weekend of insanity occured where we battled side by side in escape rooms (And we may have lost), followed by a mature game of adult mini golf that filled us with laughter. Oh and a bit of axe throwing but I don’t want to reveal too much of that until the video is out. It was another weekend I wish lasted forever. To be around like minded people, having a blast, laughing and exploring. There are some people in my life I wish I knew earlier, and this lot I definitely wish I knew earlier and lived closer, but we’ll make it work.

October started out rough, mentally I felt low and wasn’t sure how to change that. Until one night I decided I wanted to invent a game to help those struggling with mental health to do small tasks they can look back and see how far they’ve come. So I created Courage Quest. Cut the cards hand by hand and started pitching my idea whilst playing the game. At the moment it is a work in progress with a small quanitity available in a local shop and I’ve been learning. It is fun to play and hear feedback but right now I’m working hard to get it available to those in need and I’ve got amazing people supporting me along the way.

At the end of November I got to embark on the Polar Express. An adventure I was excited for since my birthday. The Polar Express was a film I have loved since the day it came out and for years I had just wanted to try the experience but could never make it happen. But this year thanks to my coworkers I have gotten to go on a journey of childhood dreams. Was I nervous? Hell yes? Did I feel like my legs couldn’t stop bouncing? Hell yeah. But as the music played, as the actors danced and played through the show, I felt myself bursting with youth. Even now I want to sing hot hot hot as I think of the time I had. Again, incredible memories that I have gotten to save in videos and photographs.

As entered into December, the final month of the year. I knew I needed to work on completing the goals I set myself at the start of 2023. I watched the sunrise in the New Forest new years day, Stasis was pushed back but still in progress and I have been continuing working on plans for ‘The Shot’. All I had left to do was purchase a Go Pro, and play a game of Tic Tac Toe with a company on Twitter. With a bit of kufuffle, I managed to get the Go Pro and boy am I excited to use it for some future videos! It’ll make it a lot easier recording hands free whilst I use my crutches and I got some fun ideas with it. All that I was left with was to play Tic Tac Toe with a company on Twitter. Let’s just say I got to complete that goal! If you haven’t seen it on Twitter already then don’t worry, I will be releasing a video on it soon!

With all my goals completed, this year felt pretty damn great. Myself and Charlie topped it off with some new traditions we want to start like the yearly panto (Oh boy was it good!) and Christmas Markets. In 2023 I achieved so much, and looking back and seeing how far I’ve come is an eye opener. I’ll be honest, I ended the year probably the lowest I’ve felt in years. My head hasn’t been in the best of places, physically I was struggling and I just feel stuck, burnt out. This year I had completed so many goals, many of which were unexpected but I just can’t seem to come to terms with that and I’m honestly not sure why. But it’s something I’m working on, waiting for professional support in mental health because I’ve accepted that I need outside help.

And that’s okay. It’s okay to accept that I’m at a hard pass right now. That’s a step towards improving and getting better. Having these moments and memories help me to remember good times, times I had taken leaps and pushed myself forwards. Being able to look at the times I’ve captured in both my mind and on a physical photograph allows me to understand that its okay, I’m growing. Things can be tough, things can bring me down. But I can get back up because someday I will be in a better place. This is a journey of taking those steps to finding me and where I want to be. The Not Bucket List Journey was created as a way for me to create memories and follow my dreams whilst battling with mental health. It’s allowed me to understand that I’m still achieving something and finding who I am. And I’m okay with that.

So yes, thing’s may not have ended fully the way I hoped this year. But that is all part of the journey. I’ve got some lows, but I have some amazing highs too and that’s what motivates me into 2024. This journey isn’t done yet. I have so many things I want to continue achieving, so many things I want to learn about myself. And 2024 I feel is the year that I make progress on that. A good friend showed me their vision board and how they work, and so my first task is to create my own. To have a physical board that I can look at daily and see where I want to be. Because this year, I intend to find myself and who I want to be.

Memories are prescious, and so are you.

Thank you to everyone who has joined me on my journey. To all of you who have commented, liked, even those of you who lurk and watch in your own time. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to join me on this journey. I hope that some day I can help others. Whether it be inspire, or give a different perspective. I hope to one day make an impact on even just one person.

So thank you. And I look forwards to sharing with you my 2024 journey.

Foxsley

I wish you all a Merry Christmas!

I want to reach out and wish you all a Merry Christmas.

I hope you all spend time with someone you love whether it be family, partners or friends. This year for once I have taken a step back from streaming to enjoy the festivities with friends and family.

For those of you that may not have someone to celebrate with, or spend time with. Please feel free to reach out to my social media. I would be more than happy to chat.

I look forwards to sharing content with you all in the new year.

Merry Christmas!

My FRIENDS got me an NINTENDO SWITCH!

For years I have wanted to own an Nintendo Switch. Ever since their launch of the device I have dreamed about owning one and playing games on the go. But I never thought that it would be my friends who would be the ones to bring that dream to life.

Throughout life you make friends, some stick around like your best friend that you’d do anything for, and some move on with their lives. For me I have one best friend who has stuck to me through thick and thin, and all the chaos I’ve been through since meeting 18 years ago, and a group of people I am beyond lucky of being surrounded by. Some are friends I have reconnected with after years apart, others that I have met over the past three years that I could never imagine my life without.

Now you may be wondering why I mentioned about wanting an Nintendo Switch and friendships I have, or you may have read the title of this blog and know exactly why I a, writing this. Well, as the title says, my friends, my amazing friends helped me complete a Not Bucket List Journey goal.

How? Well on my Twitch channel I use a service called Throne (https://throne.com/foxsley). This allows friends, family, and members of my community to purchase or contribute and send items to my PO Box without seeing my address. I have been using throne for a year now and have received some beautiful gifts that have attributed to my streams(some more at my expense for a good laugh), Not Bucket List Journeys and my collection shelf often seen in videos and my streams. Throne has allowed me to have more opportunities than I had before by having the option for others to help contribute. It was suggested by a friend of mine to put up an Nintendo Switch as I have wanted one for years and to have the ability of joining them on gaming sessions like drunk Mario Kart.

So as recommended, I put up the option for an Nintendo Switch on my Throne account and a couple months later, due to kind contributions we hit our goal in raising the funds for a switch. I received the notification to say we reached the final amount and that funds will be released in 10 days. And then I could take the journey, of heading towards a GAME shop to purchase the Nintendo Switch.

But then I got impatient, I wanted to go and get the Switch. So with it being payday, and knowing the funds would drop into my account a couple days later – I got ready to head on out.

It was such a lovely day and the excitement had me on the top of my toes. It was finally happening! I headed out to catch the bus opting to go to a further away GAME so I could also grab some items from the shops nearby.

The excitement continued to build as I got closer and closer all the way until I entered Sports Direct that housed the GAME store inside. I made my way up the escalator and headed towards the section of the store spread out with games, plushies, consoles and more.

I was in awe of all the options, and thought I had my heart set on the original neon red and blue. Having the option in front of me to potentially get an OLED. The poor staff thought I was probably weird, well definitely weird standing in store filming whilst trying to decide which blooming Switch to go for. But it’s okay, I acknowledge that.

After some deciding and walking amongst the consoles and games, I finally picked the one I wanted. The original neon red and blue with Mario Kart 8, a fox case and annual pass. After checking out at the till with my goodies and additional insurance, I headed out to grab a few extra supplies before going home.

Once in and I had my Nintendo Switch unboxed, I was head deep into gaming. I had an initial hiccup of one of the controllers not working, so I headed across the road to my local GAME to swap it out which they did quickly and then returned back home. Though I purchased Mario Kart 8 with the Switch, I headed to the store and bought my net favourite game. Stardew Valley.

And let me tell you what a bad idea that was. Because those of you who play the game may know it takes time to level and make your way through the year. But you see, I fixated on the game. Any free time I had I was face down playing away. and play away I did. Reaching mid year 2 in Stardew Valley in just under two weeks. Yep, two weeks.

Having the Switch has been absolutely amazing. Especially for days when I am mentally struggling, or physically cannot get out of bed. Having the option to distract myself and game in bed has made such a difference to the tough days. Another reason I am so grateful to those who helped towards making it happen.

Only left now to do is have some Mario Kart 8 races with friends.

Thank you, to all those who made it happen!

YouTube did WHAT?

YouTube. A platform that took the world by storm. I remember when it first came out, everyone laughing at the idea of videos on dial up Internet. Many doubted it’s potential from day one, and by how wrong they were. I’ve been on YouTube for years. My very first video was uploaded back in 2007 on an old account after watching YouTube for over a year.

I want to share with you something that hit home for me this week. something I thought I’d give a try and never expected any outcome from it. You see, last week YouTube Creators posted on Twitter a message saying:

“Every creator has a dream. What’s yours? We’re celebrating your future at #VidConAN23. To appear on our Dream Collage alongside creators from around the world, reply with:

📸 A selfie or avatar

✨ Your creator dream in 10 words or less

🔗 Your channel

#CreateYourDream”

So I thought, why not? It costs me nothing and though unlikely to be selected, it never hurts to try. So I decided let’s share my creator dream. What’s the worst that could happen?

Never did I expect to receive a twitter reply from YouTube Creators five days later that sent me into a puddle of emotions. Happy tears poured down my face at the kind message sent to me tagged with two images. One of the png file for my creator dream collage square, and one of the very image amongst other YouTube creators.

The message they sent? “Wanted to send some love from #VidconAN23 & let you know that the #CreateYourDream collage is better with you in it ❤️”.

Words just cannot describe how I felt when the notification came through and I opened up their tweet. I’m no big creator, I don’t have thousands of views or subscribers. I just have years of chasing my dreams on YouTube. So to receive such a message after thousands had entered, I just had no words as emotions flooded me.

Everyday I take a step, enjoying what I do and creating the content I make. Sharing it with the world to see but mostly so I can look back and say I did it. I chased my dreams through all the highs and lows, and was it worth it? Yes, and I would do it all over again and again.

YouTubes message really reminded me of why I do what I do. Why I love this journey I have embarked on and why you really should chase your dreams. And one day, I hope to be in a position to inspire others in their own journeys and help them along their way.

Thank you YouTube Creators for brightening my weekend.

And thank you to each and everyone of you who has taken time out of their day to follow my journey.

Winning my first Film Festival Award

Ever since I was little, I’ve enjoyed creating ideas to share with the world. As many of you may know I have been following my dreams of becoming a writer and filmmaker. From creating content on YouTube since 2007 on windows movie maker(and weren’t those the good old days!), all the way to taking my first steps into the TV & Film industry in 2022. I just want to create content and share my ideas with the world.

At the end of 2020 I decided I wanted to take my first steps towards being a filmmaker by creating the idea of the Not Bucket List Journey. Making a long list of various goals I wish to achieve in my life, even adding more to this date. From creating films, to petting foxes, and even climbing mountains, I have a long list of goals I have dreamt of achieving and having stored somewhere that I could go back and reflect upon. To see how far I have come from day 1 and a reminder of all the achievements I have made. After some deep thought, I set to work by making my website and set up my social media accounts that I planned to use to share and store my memories.

Throughout the first year of my NBLJ I realised just exactly how much I enjoy creating content. Researching and learning from others who have inspired me. That’s where I came across a way to study professionally in the film industry. And well isn’t there a story to share about that, but don’t worry that is for a later date. I had made a film professionally by the end of 2022 and even premiered ODEON in Greenwich. Unfortunately due to complications I couldn’t release it until all the issues were settled. Because of it, my confidence I built up with film work had begun to drop. That’s where Harvey, a fellow filmmaker who I met through the academy and I came together to work on bringing a TV series I wrote over 9 years to life. Together we created a plan of making a short film for proof of concept to the TV series to hopefully sell on in the future. And whilst we have a great plan, I just didn’t want to rush into it. I have spent 9 years on this project, but we need to raise the correct funds and find the right cast for the roles to draw the interest we need to push the project further. In my heart I knew I needed to do this project justice, but as time drew on I got more nervous about making it right.

That’s when Harvey sent me a message in Feburary about a film festival advert he had seen. The festival, Hyperfokal specialises in hosting a 28 day challenge 6 times a year. At the start of each challenge, filmmakers are given a stimulus pack with requirements for each short film. With Harvey coming down for plans already with my 6 year stream anniversary, we through why not. Let’s have a bit of fun whilst we’re together and it’ll be some good practice for when we film Alone in Stasis.

March 1st came around and we got our emails to let us know the challenge had started. (Not that I wasn’t regularly checking the website counter regularly). When the page finally refreshed, I couldn’t help but chuckle at the stimulus. I know it was a challenge after all, but the requirements definitely added to it. What were they you may ask? Well let me tell you.

  • Have a total runtime between 2-8 minutes, including all opening and closing titles and credits
  • Genre: Mystery
  • Prop: A Metal Bucket
  • Dialogue: “That’s the last time I listen to you.”
  • Situation: One of your characters is obsessed with photography
  • Additional: Your film must be black & white

When I first saw the stimulus I thought are you serious? Are you joking? How are we even going do to this? But then we started joking and I made the comment on how black and white mystery films make you think of detective movies from the 50’s. That got me thinking of how I could bring that concept to life? We could always use the photography obsessed character as a forensics officer or even a victim, and the line ‘That’s the last time I listen to you’ could be something the killer says towards the end with the resolusion to the film. That left me to think over the final two requirements, the overall timing of the film and the use of a metal bucket. How could I possibly incorporate those two to make a catchy enough short film?

Instead of sitting mulling over the idea, I began my usual steps in writing scripts. Grabbing a piece of paper and pen, I drew a line across the page before splitting it into three sections. Act 1, Act 2, and Act 3. Inside the acts I then mark key points for status quo, plot twists and half way point. From there at the end I write a short sentance of how I want the story to end, and then go back to the beginning where I write the opposite for how I want the story to start. That gaves me the first map of direction for what to look out for and where to fill in main plot lines to keep the film flowing.

Once I had the basics of what I wanted to film, I then had the task of finding our required prop, a metal bucket, as well as other required props and costumes. This is where Facebook became my best friend. I reached out to my local freecycle Facebook groups asking if anybody has a metal bucket, to which a kind lady reached out and offered us her old coal bucket. After collecting the bucket and giving it a good clean, I then turned to Amazon for our final props. Some portfolio folders, sealable envelopes, a police badge and then our final most vital purchase. The crème de le crème for the finale – a pair of 3 inch google eyes. Once everything was ordered, I just knew we were going to have a laugh with our experimental short film challenge.

All we had to do next was get on with the filming. We planned for the shoot to happen on the Sunday after a celebratory stream the previous day. A stream which had a few hiccups with health issues putting our shoot at risk. I had a migraine during the stream that left me with a full blown stutter making it difficult to communicate what I wanted to get across. But thankfully with Harvey’s amazing mind reading skills and a bit of patience, we went ahead with no worries. Harvey had the pleasure of meeting a local actor named David two nights previous who was keen to help us on our little project, and I had a local Twitch friend who specialises in photography joining us to get photo’s of behind the scenes. At first I was nervous, we were putting a lot of it together suddenly even with a basic plan in mind. Not to mention we were also a group of people all meeting for the first or second time to shoot an experimental film, but I suppose that also added more fun to the day.

For location we had my flat, the use of the hallway and the surrounding gardens within the premises. This made it much easier for me when it came to release forms, but also for setting up of the camera shots. Those who have been on set before will understand it’s not just a point a shoot. You have to take in consideration for each shot and how it flows into the next. Considering a lot of the shots were in my head and brought to life on the day, I have to say I’m happy with how they came out. We did a lot of jerry rigging for shots, making fake blinds for a window shot using a clothing rail, string and a set of blinds I purchased that was too big for my bathroom. Overall though, I’m happy with what we got within the timeframe we had. Going from getting the pack, briefly planning and urgent buying props to then filming in one single day.

Once all that was done, all I was left with was the editing. I had planned to spend the rest of the deadline editing and putting together, but again health issues arose and got in the way leaving me just a whopping 24 hours left to edit and upload our film to the festival. With the day off, I managed to get the film all edited and complete ready to upload with 6 hours to spare. I’m not going to lie, it was a push and both myself and Harvey were left talking about whether we should even release it. It was a quick job, a film thrown on the spot with many hiccups but it also was a memory of what we could achieve in such a small time. And that is what I think lead to us deciding to upload and send it across to the HyperFokal challenge. As young filmmakers, we wanted to produce some work to keep going, to show what we can do. With our previous film having complications as I said before that were out of our hands, we felt we needed to create work to prove what we can do. Between that, and the experience of making and releasing a short film for the Not Bucket List Journey, we finally came to an agreement that we will send it off.

And so the scary part came. I created out Film Freeway account required to send off to festivals and uploaded our project as required. With HyperFokal we had to go through a specific link to apply for their festival as it was not available to the general public, instead only those who went through their website. I filled in all the required information, uploaded the film to YouTube as well as the project file and added the festival to the cart. It had me sitting there for a momnent, considering if we really should do this. Again doubt plagued my mind because of how we threw the film together. Do we really want to spend £50 submitting a sub-par film to a film festival? But then my mind filled with the responces from my friends who had seen it gave positive feedback. Much to my surprised, I struggled to believe what I heard. Did people really enjoy our silly little experimental short film that much? From what was initially disappointment and hatred towards the film being cheesey, I couldn’t understand the feedback we were receiving. Surely it’s not as good as people see? But then it gave me confidence to press pay and submit our film.

The thing is, when you submit a film on Film Freeway, it gives you the option to share about it on Twitter and Facebook. Not thinking much of it, I then decided to share it through my Twitter. All I wanted to do was share my experience of completing a Not Bucket List Journey goal, it is why I do this journey after all. To make those memories. What I didn’t expect, was my Twitter inbox filling quickly with Film Festivals requesting information on the film as well as asking us to submit it to their very own festival. I thought why not, I’ll send the first one the link to the film as requested and left it at that. Never expecting a reply. I mean surely they reach out to everyone who posts? But again, not much later I received a reply I have only dreamed of.

(Insert Twitter Photo of 4Theatre)

The first Film Festival to reach out to me 4Theatre, had taken the time not only message me but also spend the time watching my short film. Not only that, but to reply saying that they would be honored to select it for their festival? Words had lost me. I spammed Harvey on Whatsapp shocked with the reply and screamed internally. I couldn’t believe that our film, our experimental film, had gained such a response. It simply blew my mind. But then it wasn’t just 4Theatre. I then got more tweets and more private messages from festivals asking for us to submit to them, to send them our film for review. I was simply astounded by the amount of interest. Yes it cost money to submit to the festivals, but not lots. In total I spent $134.60 (which works out at around £107) towards 14 festivals from around the world, one of which was free and another we had been given a VIP invite.

My mind was just utterly blown by the amount of messages I received. My Twitter has had so many DM’s from other Film Festivals we have not yet submitted to asking for us to submit to theirs. I know it’s business and many reach out to potential films to draw in as many as possible. But a lot of them also had taken the time to reach out with a personal message, respond to questions and some had taken time to watch the film before hand. That along made it worth while submitting to them. Our main excitement was the HyperFokal challenge. After all, that was why we filmed Bucket in the first place. But then I received an email that threw me out of the loop.

At 15:43 on the 1st of April, I received an email from 4Threatre saying congratulations for your achievement to which I didn’t understand. Achievement for what? The only clue I had was the subject title being 4theatre selection but even that still had me confused. But then, 11:42pm that night I received an email from Film Freeway that woke me up with disbelief. We received an automated email to notify us that 4threatre had selected BUCKET to be included in their festival. I couldn’t believe it. Our film had been selected to be shared within their festival!

And then more requests from festivals came in, asking me to submit to them because they had seen the announcements that Bucket had been officially selected. It threw me into this world of just sheer amazement and excitement that someone had liked my work enough they selected it to be added to their festival. At work I was so happy and excited, it was all I wanted to talk about. I wanted to scream and dance that after all the horrors I went through with our previous film, I just couldn’t believe that our experiemental thrown together short film had gained such interest. But it didn’t stop there. Just 9 days later I received another email from Film Freeway to left me know that the judging status at another film festival had changed. We had been officially selected for another film festival, but not only that, that there may be more rounds of judging that we would be updated further upon. Even with being selected for another festival, I was beyond happy! Then to make it even better, the next day I received another email updating us to say that BUCKET had gone from beign Officially Selected to Finalist!

By then I just had no words. My views of the film began to change as more and more people gave me feedback and more and more festivals contacted me. I suppose you could say it’s one of those things where you dislike your own work. I’m similar to when I write. I hate my own work at first but then later down the line I actually like it. The overall experience put me on cloud nine. I felt so proud of myself for pushing on and actually submitting to festivals when I could have given into my self doubt and burried it away. Yeah in that time we received two emails to say we hadn’t been selected. But nothing can amount to the emails to say we’d been officially selected and even to have been selected as a finalist. Or so I thought. Because 7 days later I received an email that topped even that high.

Because on the 18th of April I woke up to two emails that I had received at 11pm the night before. The first had my stomach dropping. I felt so sick and I couldn’t believe what I was reading. I had two film festival emails letting me know the judging status has changed. The first from Golden Lion International Film Festival (GLIFF) congratulating me as a Film Festival Award Winner. Because BUCKET had not only been officially selected, but we had been named as Award Winner for the Best Mobile Short Film under 45 minutes. I simply couldn’t believe it. Never in a million years had I expected that we would ever WIN an award for BUCKET. Selected and shown in a festival, sure maybe? But to be given an award. Let’s just say I died of happiness inside. I couldn’t believe that I had gone to sleep and woken up to Unintentionally completing a Not Bucket List Goal of winning a film festival award! All because of a challenge. A challenge that lead to the second email.

The second email informed me of a judging status I had been awaiting. The status to the HyperFokal challenge. The whole reason we created this film, the whole reason I’ve been receiving these emails. And so I nervously opened the email with doubt in my mind. They had to have multiple applicants right? Why would they select ours? But then when the email loaded and I scrolled just a bit, my mind went blank. I stared at my screen and all words left me. I was staring at a green star with a tick and the word Selected next to it. We were selected? WE WERE SELECTED! In that moment I jumped around my room with disbelief and pure excitement. We had done it! The one festival that meant the most to me at that time and we had been selected. it didn’t stop there though. Not much later I received another notification to alert me that I had received an email from HyperFokal themselves to say we have been awarded ‘Runner up for Best Film’ as well as ‘Best Use Of Required Prop’.

That’s when it dawned on me, waves upon waves of emotions flooded in as I realised that we had not only been selected, but to also be given awards for our short film. To this day I still don’t have words to describe how I feel. I’m happy, I’m sad, I’m so freaking excited. But I knew at that moment, that it was worth everything. Because once again I had not only battled through my doubts and fears that held me still for so long, I had pushed on and achieved another goal in life that I had dreamed of.

All because I took that first step. So why don’t you?

PIER to BEACH Bournemouth Zip Wire

Don’t you ever just look at something and think, ‘Man, what an adventure’?

I get those impulses a lot. Dreaming of the next adventure I can take. One of those just happened to be outside my front door. Rock Reef is the UK’s first pier to shore zip wire. A whopping 250 metre long zip wire, 25 metres above sea level that goes from Bournemouth’s pier to the sandy beach. Built in 2014, RockReef started as a way to bring outdoor activities such as rock climbing, high line and cave exploring to the indoors world, with the addition of the Zip Wire being added later that year.

So when the opportunity came around to take an adventure, to let my hair down and just feel free even for just 30 seconds? I couldn’t say no. For years since I’ve moved to Bournemouth, I have considered trying the zip wire. Yet thing’s just kept getting in the way. Too many work outs, unable to plan around good weather, I didn’t want to do it alone, and the main reason. Fear since my motorbike accident. For three years I let fear control what I can and can’t do, on whether I relax, or go and have some fun. But after a helpful counselling session, I was reminded that I shouldn’t let the fear stop me. Together we worked through my fears and was reminded that I should continue to live my life to my best ability. Sure activities may cause me pain and discomfort for a few days, but right there and then in that moment, I was told to go have some long overdue and prescribed fun recommended by my therapist.

Whilst on a day off while editing some footage for a short film, we checked the weather and decided to prebook our tickets for the next day. I was nervous and excited. Something that I had dreamt of for so long, and I finally had the opportunity to give it a go.

Morning came around and the nerves started to hit. I was hella excited, but also I was nervous. I have a fear of heights, I know, crazy right? Considering I was just about to jump off a pier whizzing along a 250 meter stretch of cable 25 meters above sea level, I would definitely call it crazy. But that’s the fun in life, pushing myself and facing fears. Well except for spiders, sharks and snakes. But that’s for another day.

We headed down to the pier and I was a bubble of nerves and excitement. This was it, I was finally committing to doing this. The weather turned out perfect for the time slot we picked, with later in the day turning to windy and cold. It was as if the day knew I needed everything to encourage me to do this and make it as perfect as could be.

And perfect it turned out to be. We headed over to the reception desk at the end of the pier where only a few were waiting, so we managed to get signed up pretty quick. As you know, I like to film these occasions and at locations like this you have to use their own gear so we signed up to be able to record the experience. So we waited in the second line briefly, filled in the paperwork required and had our faces scanned into the machine before getting the cameras strapped to our wrists.

Once we had the cameras hooked up on our wrist and we moved them to the positions we were comfortable with, we headed over to the next section where we have our harnesses fitted. I waited patiently to the side until it was my turn. where in my mind I started to go this is it. I’m really doing it. Five minutes later, I was hooked up in my harness, I had the code to the cage and I was ready to go. Well, as ready as could be.

Together we headed to the last section of the pier surrounded by a cage, a helter skelter staircase lead up to the final platform. We reached the cage door, and after I forgot the passcode, we eventually punched in the numbers and opened the door. Once the door closed behind us, I began to really feel it. The stairs were my worst nightmare. Firstly they are circling a pole as you go up but with a steep gap. Not only that, but they were grated. It was as if they were trying to add to the fear just by being able to see through, which again is another fear of mine. I don’t know why but I have never liked gaps in stairs where you can see, or slip. I’d much rather walk around for another set but unfortunately with this there was only one.

Next came my next issue. As some may know, I have what I call floppy food sydrome. Essentially I have foot drop from my motorbike accident four years ago. Which means whenever I walk, I can’t lift my foot. So to combat that and to simply stop me landing face first on the floor after tripping, I have a Saebo boot which my Twitch community raised money for. The boot wraps around my ankle and attaches to two clips in the end two shoelace holes. Then via a wheel , I can tighten the tension which forces my foot to be at a 45’ angle. It has honestly been a life saver and saved me from many falls ever since I’ve gotten it. But the issue that I had was with foot drop, I struggle to take a high step, which the set of stairs to the platform had. So after taking it one at a time and trying not to look down through the gap or over the edge as we got higher, I eventually made it to the top.

And the view. My god the view was absolutely incredible. With a perfectly beautiful summer day, a small breeze and miles upon miles sand either side of the pier. It was simply breath taking to see. Often I sit on the beach looking out at sunrises and sunsets. But to be looking from sea, towards the beach where people are starting to take up their spots for the day, or walking from end to end, it was simply breath taking. I’m actually jealous of those who get to stand up there daily during opening times and get to stare at those views every day. Even if I didn’t appreciate the wobble of the platform in the wind. So whilst I could with a few people in front, I enjoyed taking in the views.

Then my time came. The final door was open and I stepped forwards towards the staff member who hooked me up to the wire and gave me the safety talk. Then, when I was ready, I could jump. This wsas it, this was the final moment. With my heart pounding, my legs and arms shaking, I gripped the ropes tightly and took a quick step and jump off the platform without a moments regret.

For the first second, fear overtook me. What if the cables weren’t attached, what if they all including the safety line broke and I fell? But then momentum caught up, my body dropped and the ropes caught me. All the fears, all the worries, all thoughts escaped me as at that exact moment I was loving life.

I was enjoying the adrenaline rush as the breeze brushed past my face and people watched me laughing as I spun around whizzing my way towards the on coming white sands of Bournemouth Beach. For once I wasn’t worrying about things, I was living the moment. One thing that I swore to myself for such a long time that I would do but had failed to follow through with. As I floated through the air towards the beach I realised it was stupid to put a hold on things. It was stupid to hold myself back because of fear of pain, of trying to prevent days that may or may not come. And so I promised to myself to get into it again. To stop holding myself back, to enjoy the world flying past me but doing what I love and achieving goals.

As I neared the end with a big smile on my face feeling like I’m on top of the world, I knew things were going to improve. That I can take the step forwards in the right direction. I had a stumble, but I’ve reached the next rock and it’s time to plan my projectory towards the next once my feet were back on solid ground. And on solid ground I reached, being helped to the end of the zipwire and unclipped by staff, I knew of what I needed to do.

To walk back with a smile and plans to reach my next goal. And that’s exactly what I intend to do.

Carpe Diem

I am SO damn GRATEFUL

This wasn’t a post I was ever expecting to write. Never in my dreams did I ever think something like this could happen. That a simple notification could make me so speechless, grateful and proud.

You see, today I was at work. A fairly wet, quiet morning. And truthfully I was in a rut. I woke up in a lot of pain and just mentally didn’t feel ready for the day. But as always, I got out of bed and pushed on.

So whilst I’m sitting there basking in the quiet morning where not a soul had entered the shop, writing away a storyboard for an upcoming short film, I received a Facebook notification regarding the Foxsley page.

Throughout the day I always get notifications, mostly analytic updates, recommendations or updates on the latest likes and comments. But this one took me by surprise.

Now I’ve heard of YouTube and their upcoming creator features, but not once had I ever heard of Facebook rising creator. And when I saw this message, I was honestly absolutely speechless. My heart was racing as I tried to take in what I was seeing. My brain truly brought the Error 404 to life. And after a few minutes of registering it, I thought it might be some kind of hoax. Because surely it couldn’t be right? Right?

With a shaking hand I tapped on the notification and opened it further. Leading to more moments of speechlessness. As I read more and more I really couldn’t believe my eyes. To be recognised for the content I post and labeled as a rising creator? No words can truly explain how I feel, because even now, 13 hours later I still cannot compute that it is real.

That being said, I will try.

Thank you.

Thank you so much for taking the time to watch, see, like, comment and interact with my content. Thank you so much for all the kind messages of feed back, and even the constructive criticism. Each day I am grateful for the opportunity to create content to help me grow better as a person mentally, to share my thoughts and processes with you all in an unusual way. And thank you, for spending some of your precious time in your day exploring my content. I am eternally grateful to you.

SUNRISE in the NEW FOREST

2022 has come to an end, and with it comes the new year. A time where you set yourself goals you want to complete. The most common goals among people are go to the gym, to be healthier, become more organised and to travel more.

Every year I set myself goals to complete. Like many, for many years I set my goals too specific. Meaning it was easy for me to break those goals and that needed to change. So when it came to 2021, I decided to set a goal of simply making achievements by starting the Not Bucket List Journey as a way to create memories for the year to come. And what a year 2021 and then 2022 had become for me. Even to this day I look back and get emotional looking at the videos, blogs and photographs I’ve taken over the past two years. Just seeing the physical reminders of the steps I have taken in achieving goals, making memories and growing as a person, words honestly can’t describe how I feel. But having them there, having them as a reminder of what I’ve achieved really makes me feel proud. Proud for pushing through hard times and making something positive of them.

And that’s where 2023 comes to play. Two years ago I started the NBLJ as a one year goal, that lead into two. And now I want to take the journey into its third year and continue growing as a person. Though I set myself a rule of no specific goals when it comes to new years resolutions, this year I would like to set myself the goal of meeting and networking with people, and achieving 6 goals off my list.

So, what better way than for me to start the year by ticking off a goal on the first day watching the sunrise in the New Forest. And with that, myself and Jake got up an an unholy hour of 5am, at the end of a storm that had been hitting the UK. We both layered up, headed to the car in the pitch black and entered out destination into the sat nav. A little hidden area in the New Forest where there’s a small car park and a hill that leads up to a hiking track with outstanding views looking out across the stunning land of Hampshire and Dorset area.

As we pulled up to the car park, I was grateful that it was empty. It meant hopefully it would be quiet at the top for us to enjoy the sunrise without too many walkers about. The morning light was only just started to peak over the horizon, with it still being dark enough that we required to use the flashlights on our phones to safely see where we were going. I mean I knew of the general path, and on a good day in the daylight where you can see where you’re going it was still a tricky journey. And with it being so dark I knew I was going to be a challenge with my mobility ability that I would leave me feeling it for days but overall would be a rewarding experience.

With the flashlights of our phones turned on, we headed up the path towards the trail. Weaving through the bushes before heading up the hill taking careful steps with each groove in the ground. I have to admit that with each step we took, I was nervous of the potential for a wild horse to pop out at us. Surprisingly we didn’t experience any on our little trip and I’m not sure whether I’m glad or a bit gutted.

We reached the top with plenty time to spare, and light was only just trickling over the horizon. So what better way than to take a walk along the hiking trail, watching the gorgeous view as light began to trickle over it. Because trust me. It was one hell of a sight, even without a burst of colour. For a while we walked a bit across the top, enjoying the views all around. Taking many pictures and videos of the scenery around us. To top it off where we had a storm just days before, the hiking trail had puddles spotted about which made great for reflection photography. And after filling my camera reel with enough photos and videos to last a lifetime we headed back to the top of the hill where the best view laid ahead of us.

Standing at the top of the hill on New Years day morning was certainly an incredible experience. Colour began to fill the horizon lighting the sky and the greenery around us. Though we were on the edge of the forest, watching the views light up landscape was just breathtaking. For years I’ve dreamt of watching this very scene, not just in the new forest, but around the world. So what better fitting way than to kick off my year, watching an exceptionally beautiful sunrise illuminating the land in front of me, achieving the first goal of the year on the first day of the year.

And with taking in the views, I knew I’m going to seize this year. 2022 threw some curveballs at me that may have knocked me off course. But I knew as I stood at the top of the hill with the New Years Day morning breeze nipping at me, that I was going to take this year in my hands and make it a year to remember.

Another year to make more memories and achieve more goals.

To 2023.

I DYED my hair BLUE!

As a kid I always loved seeing people with colourful hair. My favourite is electric blue, or when people have platinum blonde hair with blue tips. In my mind, it made that person so damn cool. The fact that someone could embrace themselves so much and put it out on show. Sounds silly but just being able to see people comfortable with themselves, its inspiring to me.

For years I’ve been sitting upon the idea of dying my hair. But I was always worked jobs that had strict policies when it came to the way we look. I get it, I really do. But I also question why in society we are so strict on how we should all look the same. Why can’t an employee be allowed to express themselves as long as it doesn’t harm others? I’m personally all for people being able to express themselves, but then that’s my opinion.

At the start of 2022, I changed jobs and joined a company who allows the expression of staff. reigniting the idea of wanting to change the colour of my hair. After months I still never pulled the trigger and changed my hair colour.

But then an opportunity came. In April 2022, I joined the National Youth Film Academy SetReady course as a Writer. But quickly ended up being Producer and Co-Director. We spent months writing, and producing on our short film Impressing Vincenzo. Just before filming we had an unexpected issue that lead to one of the character roles needing to be filled before we shoot. So I stepped up to play the role of Bertie Croyland, a diverse producer looking to inspire the world with her experimental productions. Am I an actress? No way in hell. In the past I use to do the yearly school productions, but never took it anywhere further once I left secondary school. That meant it had been over at least a decade since I had done anything close to acting. But we needed to fill the role and it saved the hassle of having to rewrite to adjust the missing scenes.

And so, I finally did it. First I got my hair cut short a few weeks before to a style I have admired from a streamer I watch. Short on the sides and then with the option to comb it back or have it forwards with a bedhead hairstyle.

Then the day finally came. I went to Boots and Superdrug’s to grab the Schwarzkopf Live blue hair dye and returned home in excitement ready to commit to my crazy idea.

With just days before heading to London for the start of filming, I cracked open the bottles and began to smother my hair in blue. I mean once I hit that point there was definitely no going back. The only thing I needed to make sure I didn’t do was get it on my skin. I love the Smurfs, but I didn’t want to literally become one. So after making sure I hadn’t accidentally dyed any of my skin, I set my timer and prepared for my transition.

I absolutely love how the blue came out. For so long I was put off on whether it would suit me, but boy oh boy do I love it! It actually made me feel so much more like me. Being able to express myself and show some funky colour in my life. The only thing I did later spot is it made me look like Joy from Disney’s Inside Out and became a joke amongst my friends. But overall I love it and have been sporting the colour since.

Will I go back to blonde? Or even maybe change colour? I’m not sure. But for now I’m happy to be rocking the funky blue hair.

Let’s take a step towards my next Not Bucket List Journey goal!

5 years streaming & 500 followers

Okay, so I’m a bit late to the party. I was suppose to have written this post earlier on in the year but well, things got a little crazy and you’ll be finding out soon.

BUT

Whaaaaat? The big 500? Yep you heard it! And I still can’t believe it even months later.

Just before the end of the 2021 and nearing the 5th year anniversary of setting up my twitch account, I hit a goal I’ve been wanting for many years. The big 500 followers on Twitch. Which is absolutely insane! To think that 500 people enjoyed my content enough to join our tight knit community of Foxlings is incredible! And I can’t thank you all enough.

When I started Twitch 5 years ago, I couldn’t help but share my love for gaming. I started out on the washed out Counter Strike and Garry’s Mod, spending hours upon hours playing deathmatch, TTT and casual matches. Was I good? Haha, yeah no. Still an average player to this day. But was it fun? Oh of course! Nothing like causing a bit of trouble right? And then I started with some Minecraft, and eventually joined an amazing group of friends in a stream team called XNVR where we worked together playing games and event went to an EGX event where we got sneak peaks of games and so much more! Eventually I parted ways, simply because I had other things on my mind and avenues I wanted to go, but it was a time I will cherish and remember.

Then came 2019 and I became more serious about streaming. Enjoying playing games and building my own little community. Back then I had a different name, I started with SeriouslyBones (Okay yes that name was bad… But I was a StarTrek fan okay!) And then I moved to Lozzarr. I’d play more mix mashy games, and a lot more Counterstrike once more before eventually deciding to have a rebrand. You see, I got frustrated in 2020 by being called Lozzarr, because many people would say it as Loserr. And Yeah nope, that name in the end had to go. And so that came with the rebranding idea. I’d already gotten a solid lock on wanting my channel to be linked with foxes, I even had the stereotypical gamers logo which yep, that also had to go. And so I spent a while thinking of names and where to go. How to make my content feel like ME, something I’d be happy and proud of? Well. That’s when one night I had the idea of mixing my name and Fox together, creating the idea of Foxsley.

Ever since I did the change up, and moved the name to Foxsley, everything has just felt right. Each stream has felt perfect no matter how it went.

Along the way I’ve had the opportunity to befriend amazing members of the community. People who I am overwhelmed to call my friends, even some odd person I’d happily call my best friend from over the pond. But shh. Don’t tell Liza I said that.

But because of streaming, I’ve simply had the amazing opportunity to kindle friendships with people I most likely never would have known, and even rekindled friendships that went quiet. Something that I am immensely grateful for.

Okay now I’m rambling, but I just can’t tell you how grateful I am. It has been such a pleasure to hit that live button and interact with you all. Something I look forwards to each time I go live.

So thank you. Thank you to each and everyone of you who has come in and said hello. To you all who has all brought their own little something to this community. I cherish you all and am proud to call you my friends.

Thank you so so much.